For Starters...

My college roommate, while she was slightly intoxicated the other night, decided to bookmark her blog for me on my computer. I decided to make one of my own since this seems to be a pretty decent way to let all of my emotions out. Recently, I have been contemplating on developing my own written journal just to let the time pass, but never got around to doing it, so since I am online for about a quarter of my day, if that, I chose to start up a blog.



Since college has started I have been going through experiences that have helped me grow into my own skin. My morals have been tested in more ways than one, I have learned who I can trust and can't, and how to deal with terrible cafeteria food. The one thing that college has yet to teach me is how to deal with "just friends," "good friends," and "buddies." I was always used to being just one of the guys back in high school since I was a tomboy at heart. Playing sports was what I did, and what I managed to do well. Going through my awkward stage was well, awkward, and it was a struggle for not just me, but my family also. I was "one of the guys," but that didn't exactly mean that they thought of me as more than that. I had my chubby cheeks, my glasses, and my braces at that point in my life. That's basically all I had to use to get the guys' attention. As I got a bit older i grew into my body. I turned into this curvy young woman standing at just under 5 feet 3 inches tall; no braces, no glasses. In high school I didn't get much attention, but college turned out to be a whole different story. When I was younger I was always concerned about my weight and wanting to stay fit for sports, college was no different. Playing division III volleyball was a way for me to become a bit more accustomed to the school, meet new people, but to also stay in shape. I would always seem the guys working out in the weight room, some would look at me, but I wasn't approached very often. Not until my second semester. Over Christmas break i realized that I had gained the dreaded "freshman fifteen" and then some. The freshman twenty resulted in my hips getting broader and going up a cup size. For some reason after I gain weight most of my guy-friends decide to tell me they see me as "more than a friend," problem is... they're all doing it at the same time.

For example, I went home for spring break and over break I hung out with a few old friends. Of those old friends three of them decided they were going to tell me that they finally got the courage to tell me they had feelings me. Honestly, I have no idea what to do since things like this never happen to me and if they do happen it's never at the same time. My favorite part is that at one point all four of us were once friends. One of them decided to tell me that he needed advice with one of the girls that he thought he had feelings for. Usually they do come to me with this sort of thing, so it wasn't anything I wasn't expecting. He goes on about how he has liked her for a while, but couldn't really tell her cause of her boyfriend and now she's single, so he wants to give it a try. He wants to ask her out, but doesn't know how. I told him to just ask her out to dinner; it's not too expensive and its easy to get some conversation in. Seemed like a good first date choice to me until he said, "So would you like to go out to dinner?" He's "just a friend," so I said no. Another one of my old friends goes out to a bar and wants to know if I can come, when I told him I wasn't going to be able to make it he says, "Great, now who am i going to hit on all night?" Smooooth, but that's again a No. I met up with another old friend at a local mall, since I needed to put in job applications all over in order for me to not get any phone calls about them, and we got some lunch to catch up on things. I didn't know that "catching up on things" meant "oh I've had a crush on you ever since we
started working together." I already had no idea what to do. There were supposed to be my "just friends" who were trying to tell me that they wanted to be my "more than a friend" friends. Just when i thought it could not get any worse I headed back to school again. I have committed myself to another college that i will be transferring to in the fall of '09, so my time left on this campus is limited. The guys on campus must have realized that their time with me is diminishing and have taken the time to formulate how they were going to tell me their feelings for me. Last week, one of the baseball players asked me to stop by his room, so we could talk about "school and stuff." He then proceeded to tell me that he has had feelings for me since last semester when we were in algebra together. He then got aggravated at the fact that I do not see him as "more than a friend," or a "buddy" and got laughed at by his teammates. Another one of my good friends on campus while he was drunk told me that he has had feelings for me for a while, but didn't know how to show it. He then bought me a pair of new shoes and took me out for ice cream. I told him many times that there was no need for him to spoil me since I only saw him as "just a friend." I even pulled out the "well you are like the brother I never had" card and for some odd reason he still has not grasped that concept. It's hard trying to get them to understand when they refuse to comprehend what you are trying to explain to them. Maybe those who don't know why they don't get approached by men should gain twenty pounds and see what happens because it seems to me like we either have a drought, or a flood.